Control

I've just seen this film and it was great, it thoroughly matched my mood and as it was the first time I've been to the cinema alone it also made me feel empowered. I came away with the conviction that if things are making you seriously unhappy then you have to deal with them. It seems kind of appropriate today as I was supposed to be having an interview for another job.

I've finally accepted that this "new" job isn't for me and hence I need to make some changes.

By the way the interview was cancelled because the interviewer has hurt his eye which he kindly phoned me at 7.40 to tell me about because he was panicing that I may be leaving early for the interview as it was back on the outskirts of London.

Hopefully they will reschedule soon, in the meantime I'm trying to concentrate on the good things like seeing films I fancy (even if it means going alone), cuddling up in bed with my OH, playing with the neighbourhood cats who I've befriended and teaching myself to take better photos and use photoshop.

Long day

I'm sat here, admittedly at home, just finishing off some work. I actually have lots more to do but I have just had a realisation that apart from driving I have actually been working constantly for 12 hours!

Suprisingly I'm not feeling bad about this, actually I think I may have found my work mojo and despite all the bits I don't like and the various difficulties I suspect I might actually be starting to enjoy my job. Bizarrely I am nervous about even thinking that, let alone writing it down. Its very important to me that I am motivated and inspired by my job and so far I haven't liked this one much at all. The people are great, which has kept me going, but maybe I'm getting into my stride.

Now the only problem is my inbuilt need to be liked and respected, I so need to get over that cos at the end of the day the people I'm working with now are always going to find reasons to bitch and moan and I'll never be as good as "so and so" despite the fact that they moaned about them at the time too. Anyway I musn't let it get me down, they don't "know" me and hence it doesn't really matter!

PS does anyone think it a bit weird that I am actually considering working till 20.15 cos then it would be exactly 12 hours?

Ahhhh and relax!

I've just been for a swim followed by a short session in the steam room. I'd forgotten how good a nice gentle swim can make you feel, especially if you also have a bracing motorbike ride home afterwards!

I love this time of year, or rather, I love this sort of cold crisp bright sort of weather. Inviting enough to get you outside but also with the potential for cosying up inside afterwards. I also find it mystifying how quickly it seems to get dark, rather like someone has dropped a blanket over a light.

Before I get too poetic, see swimming is good (or bad depending on your view point), the actual point of this post was about the fact that the strangest things can make you relaxed.

Last weekend I had the pleasure of meeting some of the lovely fashion girls, including Sandancer and Lomie. It was a great day and many cocktails were drunk, and as before the highlight was putting real people to the names on the screen. Whilst it is slightly nerve wracking in that whole "making friends, what if they don't like me" kind of way, the relaxing part comes when you realise that you feel quickly relaxed with people that you already have a "link" with even if you do end up feeling slightly stalkerish for explaining that you have been baseing your recent explorations into films on the comments of someone you only knew the online name of :o)

I did it!

I finally reached the big 30 at the weekend, and I am very proud of myself because I didn't freak out in the slightest.

It seems strange, but I really thought I would find it a big deal. I'm in a place which I am not very happy with, on both work and home fronts, but on the other hand I've had some fantastic times lately and I'm feeling an awful lot better.

I've also taken up pilates which I love! I've wanted to do it for ages and finally managed to find a class which fits with my schedule, it also led to me making an empowering decision to put something I wanted to do at a higher priority than my job. So every monday I leave work at 4pm to get to the class in time :o)

To celebrate my birthday I went with a big gang of assorted friends to Dans Le Noir? in Clerkenwell. It was organised by my friend who was sharing the celebrations with me, and it was a great experience, freaky but great! Thankfully we managed to avoid the temptations of a karoke bar when the pub closed!

I have a number of things I plan to do "for me" in the next few months. I'm going to write them here as a reminder and commitment;

1. Go and see some films when the new Picture House cinema opens, even if I go on my own!
2. Blog more
3. Sign up for a camera course, I now have a good set up but really feel I'm not making the most of it
4. Continue with the Pilates
5. Spend time in London doing things I want to do (including the meet I'm going to on Saturday)

I've realised I need balance in my life, I tend to throw myself too much into one thing, whether that is work or study or relationships, and subsume my own wants and needs. For me to be really content and fulfilled I need all the bits! So here's to a new way forward for my 30's!

Blimey

Thats just kinda how I feel at the moment.

New job is madly hectic in a way that I am not sure I like.

I'm really missing being able to blog more frequently, and I need to start making time for "me" in a sort of "head space" way. In that vein I have had my first pilates class and it is fab!

This year has felt a bit "one thing after another" and I don't think that is going to end anytime soon.

I had a fantastic weekend with old friends and new - but it was also confusing in some ways - pleasant but made me think.

What will be, will be

New jeans

I'm having a great mooching weekend. Went out for a quick ride and a coffee with my OH yesterday then chilled out on the sofa with some episodes of the West Wing and a homemade curry and bottle of red.

Today I did some online banking this morning, realised that my finances were looking ok so I headed for some shopping in the city. I am stupidly happy that one of the department stores is now stocking my preferred skincare range, Caudalie, which had meant a trip to SpaceNK previously.

I also kept going with my mission to find the perfect flared leg jeans, with seemingly no success anywhere until I popped into a local boutique which I always avoid as I feel too "big" to shop in there. Diesel Lambry's are the way to go, they come in a 30" leg - yeah!

And the assistant also got me to size down as she felt the 32" waist would soon be too big - double yeah!

I then popped into a cafe I had always wanted to try and will most definately be going back, I think it is probably my new favourite place. The coffee and cake were lovely and even better the lunch menu looks great and they serve my favourite organic Rose - heaven!

All in all a lovely, but incredibly shallow weekend :o)

Burston Strike School Rally

One of the joys of not being a civil srevant anymore is that I am allowed to be "political" again. My sis and I went to the Burston Strike School Rally today, much more like a village fete than a political rally, that is until bloody Bob Crowe spoke! Grrrrr the man did my head in, he got facts and figures wrong and totally missed the point on just about everything, I actually feel sorry for the RMT if he is the figurehead. What infuriated me so much was his attitude that tommorows tube strike disruption was "sticking it to the man". Which bit doesn't he get about the tube disruption actually affecting millions of hard working Londoners? Not the "fat cats", they can afford a taxi home, but ordinary working people who just want to get home on a Monday evening. Can't they see this does more damage to their cause than anything?

On the other hand Billy Bragg and Tony Benn spoke eloquently, in their different ways, about how it is everyone's responsibility to make this society fair and just. Exactly what the strike school was all about.