Rescue Dawn

Just been to see this and....wow!

Herzog's direction is fantastic. However it has been widely reported that there are inaccuracies in the "plot", particularly with regard to the central role in the escape plot held by Dengler and the unstable and selfish nature of DeBruin.

We will never really know the truth, all you can do is watch an amazing film with a corner of your mind held open for the vagaries of an unreliable narrator.

The 2008 post

As you will notice not much posting went on at the end of 2007. Although it was a fantastic year in many ways the last few months weren't so great.

As regular readers will know, I have ended up in a job I'm not enjoying which has made me realise quite how important my career is to me. Hopefully better news is on the horizon though!

In the week before Christmas I got a call from an old colleague who is hopeful that he might have something for me. I'm meeting him later this month and have my fingers well and truly crossed! This isn't without mixed feelings though, as it happens I really like the majority of my colleagues and will be sad to leave them behind...however I am not going to worry about that now!

I have got the obligatory resolutions, hopefully they aren't all rubbish although some do sound rather trite, so apologies in advance!

1. Do not talk on my phone whilst driving - its bloody stupid and I know it!
2. Take 3 lots of exercise a week
3. Drink at least 1.5l of water a day
4. Blog at least twice a month
5. Celebrate the good stuff!

The last one was triggered by the following which I posted on Handbag earlier, it made me feel so much more positive - despite my post Xmas lurgy - that I wanted to save it for posterity.

Ten Things

1. My motorbike - makes me feel like a rebel and reminds me that there is more to life than the daily grind
2. Power kiting - exercise and running about on the beach like a kid, I swear I haven't had grazed knees in about 20 years
3. My flat - it's not perfect but it's all mine and I got it all by myself and noone can take it away (as long as I pay the mortgage of course!)
4. A hot sunny evening, a chilled glass of organic rose and a captivating book
5. A cuddle when I'm feeling down and fed up of being an adult
6. Sushi
7. Knowing that you are wearing nice underwear, and are groomed - even if noone else sees it
8. Hermes 24 Rue Faubourg, red nails and red heels - give me the "power" in difficult meetings
9. Taking a really good photograph
10. Making someone you care about happy

Control

I've just seen this film and it was great, it thoroughly matched my mood and as it was the first time I've been to the cinema alone it also made me feel empowered. I came away with the conviction that if things are making you seriously unhappy then you have to deal with them. It seems kind of appropriate today as I was supposed to be having an interview for another job.

I've finally accepted that this "new" job isn't for me and hence I need to make some changes.

By the way the interview was cancelled because the interviewer has hurt his eye which he kindly phoned me at 7.40 to tell me about because he was panicing that I may be leaving early for the interview as it was back on the outskirts of London.

Hopefully they will reschedule soon, in the meantime I'm trying to concentrate on the good things like seeing films I fancy (even if it means going alone), cuddling up in bed with my OH, playing with the neighbourhood cats who I've befriended and teaching myself to take better photos and use photoshop.

Long day

I'm sat here, admittedly at home, just finishing off some work. I actually have lots more to do but I have just had a realisation that apart from driving I have actually been working constantly for 12 hours!

Suprisingly I'm not feeling bad about this, actually I think I may have found my work mojo and despite all the bits I don't like and the various difficulties I suspect I might actually be starting to enjoy my job. Bizarrely I am nervous about even thinking that, let alone writing it down. Its very important to me that I am motivated and inspired by my job and so far I haven't liked this one much at all. The people are great, which has kept me going, but maybe I'm getting into my stride.

Now the only problem is my inbuilt need to be liked and respected, I so need to get over that cos at the end of the day the people I'm working with now are always going to find reasons to bitch and moan and I'll never be as good as "so and so" despite the fact that they moaned about them at the time too. Anyway I musn't let it get me down, they don't "know" me and hence it doesn't really matter!

PS does anyone think it a bit weird that I am actually considering working till 20.15 cos then it would be exactly 12 hours?

Ahhhh and relax!

I've just been for a swim followed by a short session in the steam room. I'd forgotten how good a nice gentle swim can make you feel, especially if you also have a bracing motorbike ride home afterwards!

I love this time of year, or rather, I love this sort of cold crisp bright sort of weather. Inviting enough to get you outside but also with the potential for cosying up inside afterwards. I also find it mystifying how quickly it seems to get dark, rather like someone has dropped a blanket over a light.

Before I get too poetic, see swimming is good (or bad depending on your view point), the actual point of this post was about the fact that the strangest things can make you relaxed.

Last weekend I had the pleasure of meeting some of the lovely fashion girls, including Sandancer and Lomie. It was a great day and many cocktails were drunk, and as before the highlight was putting real people to the names on the screen. Whilst it is slightly nerve wracking in that whole "making friends, what if they don't like me" kind of way, the relaxing part comes when you realise that you feel quickly relaxed with people that you already have a "link" with even if you do end up feeling slightly stalkerish for explaining that you have been baseing your recent explorations into films on the comments of someone you only knew the online name of :o)

I did it!

I finally reached the big 30 at the weekend, and I am very proud of myself because I didn't freak out in the slightest.

It seems strange, but I really thought I would find it a big deal. I'm in a place which I am not very happy with, on both work and home fronts, but on the other hand I've had some fantastic times lately and I'm feeling an awful lot better.

I've also taken up pilates which I love! I've wanted to do it for ages and finally managed to find a class which fits with my schedule, it also led to me making an empowering decision to put something I wanted to do at a higher priority than my job. So every monday I leave work at 4pm to get to the class in time :o)

To celebrate my birthday I went with a big gang of assorted friends to Dans Le Noir? in Clerkenwell. It was organised by my friend who was sharing the celebrations with me, and it was a great experience, freaky but great! Thankfully we managed to avoid the temptations of a karoke bar when the pub closed!

I have a number of things I plan to do "for me" in the next few months. I'm going to write them here as a reminder and commitment;

1. Go and see some films when the new Picture House cinema opens, even if I go on my own!
2. Blog more
3. Sign up for a camera course, I now have a good set up but really feel I'm not making the most of it
4. Continue with the Pilates
5. Spend time in London doing things I want to do (including the meet I'm going to on Saturday)

I've realised I need balance in my life, I tend to throw myself too much into one thing, whether that is work or study or relationships, and subsume my own wants and needs. For me to be really content and fulfilled I need all the bits! So here's to a new way forward for my 30's!

Blimey

Thats just kinda how I feel at the moment.

New job is madly hectic in a way that I am not sure I like.

I'm really missing being able to blog more frequently, and I need to start making time for "me" in a sort of "head space" way. In that vein I have had my first pilates class and it is fab!

This year has felt a bit "one thing after another" and I don't think that is going to end anytime soon.

I had a fantastic weekend with old friends and new - but it was also confusing in some ways - pleasant but made me think.

What will be, will be